Limbo

Mr is waiting to hear back about a job in the US. It sounds like an amazing job. The role is for a company who design gene sequencing equipment (ie they build the machines that analyse DNA). Mr was doing some reading about DNA analysis when his mum was diagnosed with breast-cancer, and it got him thinking about the approach they have taken. He had an idea, which would use a completely novel approach, but could revolutionise the way DNA is analysed. The ins and outs of it are quite complicated, but basically (if such a thing can be basic) he thinks that if they change tact and analyse the DNA based on the physics, rather than the chemistry, he can take the process from being something that takes days, down to something that takes minutes. He put some feelers out about his idea when I was pregnant, so, about two years ago. It has taken this long, but someone at the top of the tree has gotten word about this guy in Australia, and they have tracked him down via Linked In. And they've been in negotiations for about a month now. I am so proud of him, and feel honoured to call someone so clever my husband. He is absolutely amazing, and makes sense of the world in a way I can't even imagine.

The company is happy to consider him as a remote employee, working from home here in Australia, but it will probably involve a fair amount of travel between here and there. The people doing the recruiting are based in San Fran, but the team is spread across a few US locations, and training/orientation would most likely happen in Connecticut. They have told him that they are "putting together an offer" but we have no idea how much the offer is for, or the employment conditions (in terms of expected travel etc). If they pay him what I think he is worth, then I think I could take up a life of leisure. But I have to admit, it isn't the potential pay-packet that has me the most excited. Rather, there is a part of me that has spent the last few weeks daydreaming about a potential sabbatical to the US for a few years.

Admission: Even though I consider myself to be a fairly atypical 29 year-old with an unusual range of life experiences, I do not even have a passport. I have never left Australia (though I have explored more of this country than a lot of my peers). I would love the chance to go and live overseas. I don't do holidays well. I never really enjoy them, and feel like in order to really take in a place; I need to get my feet firmly on the ground. We moved around a lot growing up, and while I know that my Dad beats himself up about our childhood being so "unstable", I loved it and wouldn't trade the experience for anything. I would love to be able to do the same for my children. I loved the extremes of living in Darwin versus living in Tasmania, and I know that I have really only seen such a small part of the spectrum. I would love to be able to explore more of the world, and would love even more being able to share that exploration with Mr and my child/ren.

There would be a million and one things we would need to weigh up if considering a secondment overseas (employment options, access to healthcare and having another baby are some of the biggies), but for the moment, I will just daydream.

I think another reason why this escapism has been so tempting lately is that I am feeling a bit lost/stuck with regard to work. There are decisions/discussions looming that I don't want to make/have. All three of my employers are offering me an increase in hours. One wants me to sign a three year contract for a 0.6 role (ie 3 days a week). They are stressing how good this would be as I would then be a permanent part-time employee, and entitled to sick leave, accrue holidays etc. And I agree, it has its perks. But as much as it provides security for me, it also provides security for them. And it comes at the cost of flexibility. It also locks me in to committing to spending most of my time working in a research role, rather than a clinical role. But the biggest thing is, I don't want to be a researcher. And certainly not for the next three years. I want to be able to increase my clinical work (which I also have the opportunity to do), which will allow me to meet professional development requirements to climb up that career ladder. The difficulty is that they need me to make a decision, now. The project has just had an injection of funds, and they need to appoint a research manager. They want me. I have already tried to say no, but the conversation ended up as a "don't decide now, we'll talk about it in the new year". I am stalling, using Mr's employment limbo as a justification, but I know that I want to turn it down. They just don't want to hear that, so are doing everything they can to accommodate me so that I will stay. Which just makes it harder to go (their plan is working). I think I am going to end up having to be blunt and just tender my resignation.

It is tough, because I do love my work, but there is also the reality that for me, work is only one piece of the pie that is life. If I dropped all of the research work (4 days currently), I could replace it with 2 extra days of clinic work, and would come out ahead financially. Which is also what is pushing me in that direction.